Yes, these are the reactions and dynamics and "survival traits" I developed as a result of growing up in an alcoholic and dysfunctional family; these are the traits and behaviors and beliefs and modes of living that I am releasing in recovery, through recovery, that I am undoing, that I am giving up, that I am growing past, that are leftovers from my past, and which do not have to be part of my future.
These are the symptoms of the family disease of alcoholism that I picked up, and these are the effects that I am recovering from, relinquishing, with the help of ACA, 12-step work, my sponsor, and my Higher Power. These are things that don't have to be part of my life anymore. These are things I can be free of as soon as I make the decision to be so. And so I do.
The "Laundry List"
(14 Characteristics of an Adult Child)
These are the characteristics we seem to have in common due to being brought up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional household.
1. We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.
2. We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.
3. We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism.
4. We either became alcoholics, marry them, or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs.
5. We live life from the viewpoint of victims and are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships.
6. We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc.
7. We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.
8. We became addicted to excitement.
9. We confuse love and pity and tend to "love" people we can "pity"and "rescue."
10. We have "stuffed" our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (denial).
11. We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.
12. We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.
13. Alcoholism is a family disease and we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up the drink.
14. Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.
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